Positivity – Life with Laura

“Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind.”

“Today I am grateful for… “

When was the last time you asked yourself that?

I like a lot of people can get lost in all of the things I want in life, whether it be career aspirations, material things or aesthetics. I then spend even more time on social media seeking out those who have all the things I want and convincing my self that once I get there I’ll be content. I’m not saying that I’m not already a happy person but I feel we sometimes place our happiness in that mythical time of “someday” and as we’ve all probably learnt, it’s not always as simple or straight forward as that. It’s funny how actually the closer you get to things you think you want the longer that road seems to become. I’m not saying it’s not right to strive for goals, be better, or do better, but I do think it is so important to appreciate what we do have today, instead of putting all our hope into tomorrow.

I wanted a life filled with pinch me moments, but when I truly reflected on it, it already was.

I’ve had a rough few years, when I really look back it was very hard losing my dad to suicide, not just the death itself but the grief , the depression, the anxiety, the breakdown in friendships, and the loss of faith in this world. But the hardship didn’t lesson on their own over time, it was my mindset that has got me to where I am today. I’ve always wanted a life filled with those pinch me moments and when I lost my Dad I felt as though I’d been robbed of that. But when I truly reflected on what I already had in my life, it was apparent that it was already filled with so many of them. I learnt that instead of yearning for what I’d lost I’d put my focus into gratitude and perspective and it not only got me through such a difficult time, it completely transformed my life.

That all being said, I don’t advocate being positive all of the time because I don’t believe as humans that it is possible. Life is hard, and we need the days where we want to scream, cry and sit on the sofa with ice cream and chocolate. Those lows help us appreciate the highs, but even in our worst days I do believe we can find one thing to be thankful for.

Everyday, I spend 10 minutes listing all the things I am thankful for. It’s usually on my drive to work, so I create mental lists but sometimes I feel it’s even more cathartic to write it down and stick it by my bed so that on the days I do feel sad (which I allow my self to be) it’s like a little list of hope that can really help me through.

So today, here are 10 things that I am grateful for…

My mum. What a hero.
My amazing family.
My health, although I don’t openly talk about some health conditions that I suffer with I am generally pretty healthy, and my body allows me to do what I want it to.
The years I had with my Dad, as some people have had even fewer with their own parents.
My friends, who are my lifeline.
The home I live in, one that’s warm, safe and has always been filled with love.
My boyfriend who is just the most amazing, wonderful, caring person who came into my life at a time I didn’t even realise I needed him most.
My job and the opportunities and friends it has brought with it.
My ability to write and hopefully curate things that are meaningful to others.
For you, I thankful for everyone to takes the time to read my blogs and reach out to me.

So how do we all incorporate a little more gratitude into our day to day life?

Here are a few of my top tips.

Start small. All habits start small, so on your daily commute to work, or the first thing you do when you get up in the morning, say to yourself one thing you are grateful for. If you find this difficult perhaps start every other day. It’s sometimes hard to look at our lives from the outside in, but I can assure you once you start finding the little things to be grateful for, you’ll notice your list growing.
Imagine life without. It’s easy to think about the things we don’t have in life but look around you at all the things you currently have, look at the people around you, the ones who you really couldn’t live without.
Look inside you. You’ve got some amazing qualities, we all do, it’s what makes us all unique. Spend some time listing those qualities, I mean someone’s got to big ourselves up.
Write it down. Make lists whether its mental or physical.
Pay it forward. Tell those around you that you’re grateful for them, show others how much you value them for being there for you and your life.

I truly believe that it is the simplest of habits that can lead to a happier life and for that I’m actually really grateful.

What are you thankful for?

Love always,

Laura xo

I recently watched the film “Wild” starring Reese Witherspoon, a grieving young girl on a quest for self discovery by trekking the Pacific Crest Trail after the sudden death of her mother. Although I don’t want to spoil the plot, the film finished with a quote that I think perfectly describes life and how a lot of the time it doesn’t go to plan.

“we are never prepared for what we expect”- James Michiner

It made me realise that we spend so much time preparing for things in life but what do we do when the ‘unpreparable’ happens?

When I was a child I used to plan my life, I was convinced i’d be a cool mum at 22, married and have a family. By the age of 16 it was very apparent that I was thinking way beyond my years and now at 24 i’m neither of the things i had prepared or planned for as a child. Same goes with my job, I was convinced i’d become a marine biologist but life took me on a different course. Instead I studied psychology at university and for the best part of the last 4 years i’ve dabbled in numerous areas of work none of which included Marine biology (apart from the volunteering I did in South Africa).

Now I guess to a certain degree I have had some of my control over the way my life has gone the past 10 years. I decided to go to University and study Psychology for example. I also decided not to become a mum at 22 and for the most part i’ve chosen the types of job that i’ve applied for .

So what about the things that are out of our control? For example losing a loved one, having your heart broken, getting divorced or losing your job. The things in life we don’t prepare for because unless we are extremely cynical or pessimistic, we don’t expect or plan them to happen to us in our lives.

So what do we do? How we do we cope? And can we ever prepare?

Here are my thoughts…

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou

Be trusting

Sometimes when things don’t go the way we planned we become hostile. We feel as though life just doesn’t ‘go right’ for us whilst others just seem to have it all with no worries. In these moments of doubt sometimes all we can do is trust that what we are going through has a purpose. I guess maybe that’s why people turn to religion in times of turmoil, to gain the answers to why life goes the way it does or even just have faith that theres a higher power and this is it’s path for them. Religious or not, the saying ‘whats meant to be will be’ in times of chaos is sometimes all we can really put our trust in.

Be open minded

Sometimes the worst things can reduce our thoughts to one narrow channel.We can’t see any way out, any way forward or in some cases any way to go on. But have you ever realised that sometimes out of the worst things in life, some of the best things are born. Be open minded to new experiences and opportunities, keep hold of the fact that things will get better and most importantly “there are far better things ahead than any we leave behind”-C.S Lewis .

Life is about how you tackle plan B

Imagine if life was all written out for you and you knew every single detail of how it was going to pan out. How much would you enjoy it then? Now imagine a life with no surprises both good and bad? What would be the need for all of our emotions then?

Too many of us we fear the unknown and we ponder on the unrevealed uncertainties in life. However we cannot predict the future, nor should we fear it. One thing we can do is plan but plans are not set in stone, they’re guidance tools, not definitive statements of how our life should or will go. Because what happens when it doesn’t go to plan ,how do we tackle plan B? or firstly what the hell is plan B?

Well plan b is the unknown. This is why we mustn’t fear it, because some of the best things in life come from plan b. Some of the best things in life are unexpected because in those moments we had no expectations.

Let it go

Now i’m not saying if you lose a loved one, get divorced or go through any other traumatic period in your life you should simply move on and get over it, far from it actually. However, all i’m saying is the negativity surrounding it, the feelings that consume you, you need to learn to try and dissociate those from the experience itself. But first, let yourself feel all the emotions you need to. Allow yourself to feel anger, grief, pain but eventually you need let them go because the experience may stay with you forever but the heavy feelings that come with it, those don’t have to.

Its not your fault

I’ve spoken about blaming your self when your life is in turmoil in my post on grief . Sometimes bad things happen and we blame ourselves and question ourselves or the world. Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people? I think we all have, well the answer is there is absolutely no reasoning for it whats so ever, it just happens. It’s not your fault, so turn the pain, the anger, the suffering into a way of fighting these tough times that life throws at you. Because in life you may never learn the answer as to why bad things happen to good people but you will learn the strength to fight them.

Laura xoxo

Tag: Positivity

“Today I am thankful for”. The importance of gratitude for a healthier, happier life.

What to do when life doesn’t go to plan/ preparing for the ‘unprepareable’…