Here’s something to think about…

Imagine what you could achieve if you never experienced fear or doubt.

I don’t mean the type of fear when it comes to running from genuine life-threatening situations, I’m referring to the fear of rejection, fear of taking risks, or saying what we really think. We’ve all done (or not done) things out of fear. Because by trying things we’ve never done means entertaining the idea that we could potentially fail or it not go the way we’d hoped. It plays on my mind a lot actually, how different my life might have been had I not let fear dictate some of the decisions I’ve made.

To some degree we need fear, it has essentially kept us alive for thousands of years. But like a lot of our evolutionary traits this fear has seeped into areas of our lives that have made it become more about limiting our potential rather than keeping us alive. For example, not applying for that job because you think you’re not good enough or they’ll reject you. Not going overseas to travel or live that lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of because you might run out of money, not make friends, not find somewhere to live (the list goes on) and be back to square one again. Not asking that guy or girl out on a date because you think they’d never be interested in you. A lot of what could be the best chapters of our lives never even get to happen because we predict the end before we even have a chance to enjoy the beginning. We essentially are consciously sabotaging ourselves and opportunities!? Mind-blowing huh?

I know I’m not alone in saying I’ve done a lot of things out of fear, I’ve stayed in situations longer than I should have in the fear that not being in them would be worse. I’ve stayed comfortable in situations because they are safe but safe doesn’t always make you happy. In 2019 I want to take more risks, risk failing, risk putting my self on the line, risk putting my self out there to be judged (blogging has done that I guess too), risk saying what I really think.

In 2019 I’m going to try not to let fear be so apparent in my choices.

Here are a few other things I hope to do more (or less) of in 2019

1. The past is the past, learn from it but don’t live in it.

This is a big one for me. When I lost my dad I spent a lot of time trying to run away from the past. I thought running was a good way of dealing with it but in fact it was more harmful than ruminating in it. Instead what I’ve learned is, the past does give us a lot of insight into what we should and shouldn’t do in the future, it teaches us a lot of lessons if we let it and not beat ourselves up over it.

2. Get out of my comfort zone, more often than not.

How nice is it in our comfort zone? It’s so easy, fear-free, and for the most part when we are in it we all know exactly what we are doing. For some people staying in their comfort zone is what makes them happy and that’s completely fine. For me, some of the best decisions I’ve made this year have started by me saying “f*** it, what’s the worst that could happen?” and just going with it. So, try that class, or hobby, leave that job if it makes you unhappy. Some of life’s greatest achievements require going outside of your comfort zone and some of the best experiences come from not playing it safe.

3. Forgive and forget.

A quote that resonates with me so much about forgiveness is:

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

The number of people that will wrong do us throughout our lives will be far greater than those who do acts of kindness (harsh but true). However, If we became bitter about every single one of those people it’s going to turn even the most positive of people sour. Don’t let others taint your kindness, or let your positivity be overshadowed by someone’s bad day. It’s a short life, after all, and it’s far too short to not just forgive, forget and move on.

Happy holidays friends.

Laura xo

New Years Eve a time for booze ups, resolutions and all round chaos . For most of us it’s about seeing off the year and seeing in the new year with hope and prosperity of it being better than the previous. While I love the optimism and quite frankly I think it’s great to want the New year to be better because no one exactly wants it to be worse do they? But it’s the way we go about it that we are doing wrong….

New Years Resolutions.

The typical new year new me mindset really plagues us all come January 1st but put your hands up if you’ve ever set a New Years resolution thats failed (my virtual and actual hands going up here). Some of the most common resolutions include to lose weight, eat healthier, BE healthier, stop smoking,take up a new hobby etc etc. The problem with these examples are although they can be communicated in very few words, they are actually very big and complex . It’s one of the main reasons that people don’t achieve their resolutions because they are too large to tackle and therefore either go hell for leather on them for 2 weeks and fall off the wagon because the extremities of them are not maintainable or just the sheer prospect of approaching them is enough for them to go running for the hills (I guess for those whose resolution is to run, they may be power walking to those hills ).

Here are my five top tips for new years resolutions…

1.DON’T SET THEM: New Years Eve is like an over dramatic Sunday. To elaborate, in the year when we are starting new diet, gym regime etc etc, we always tend to hide behind the trusty “i’ll start on Monday” excuse and thats similar to the New Years mentality in December “i’ll start in the New Year”. It dosen’t help that Christmas starts in November and Christmas themed cake and chocolates are flowing from office cupboards and supermarket aisles, so it’s no wonder that we don’t want to start the diet until the ‘new year’. I feel we wait for the new year like it’s a Monday ‘the magical day where every thing will start and happen’, but all that does is put it off, creates this excuse and everyone knows nothing grows from avoidance and excuses. Instead of waiting for the New Year where no doubt by one AM New Years day, your in the kebab shop inhaling cheesy chips and potentially puffing on that cheeky cigarette (there goes those two resolutions you set) look at the new year as a fresh start, don’t put all your hopes in one days worth of resolutions, because like Monday when the new year comes around and you may have already messed up on those resolutions, you don’t want to be waiting for a whole year to start them again.

2.Why wait for the new year? To elaborate on the last point, why are we waiting for Mondays and New Year’s to make a change? February 1st is as good as January 1st, just like starting your diet on a Wednesday is JUST as effective as starting on a Monday. Stop waiting, start DOING.

3.Set GOALS not resolutions: according to the dictionary a resolution is defined as: a firm decision to do or not to do something. Now compare it to the definition of goal:the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result. See theres a huge difference, resolutions tend to be things your NOT going to do, where as goals are things you ARE going to do and want. Goals relate to desires and achievements and to me even the word sounds more appealing than resolutions and more importantly the definition behind goals are about adding to your life and resolutions most of the time seem to be about taking things away.

4.Make goals SMART: Specific/small, measurable, achievable, realistic, time based.

Specific, it’s SO important to be specific about your goals but also sometimes when they are big ones like lose weight, you need to break them down into smaller more manageable goals such as, go the the gym 3 times a week (or find an exercise you enjoy… check out my “5 things Exercising Consistently Taught Me“).

Measurable, take weight for example it’s easy to measure weight isn’t it? You can use the scale number or clothes size etc but how do you measure for example “to be more confident”. First things first that type of goal needs to be broken down into smaller more specific goals such as, doing a presentation at work or start reading more self development books. When the goals are specific and small enough it’s easy to measure it, even if you have to get creative.

Achievable and Realistic, now I truly believe if you set your mind to it you can achieve anything, however setting a goal for example to run the London marathon on two weeks training and you’ve not run for 5 years just ‘ain’t gonna happen is it?’. Being realistic is more for your benefit than anything else, because by being realistic your more likely the reach that goal instead of being disappointed when your striving towards something that’s not.

Time based, now i’m not a big believer in time scales and saying the end goal should be achieved in 2 months or 6 months, especially if they are big ones. I do think though in order to keep on top of your goal and tracking it, once you’ve broken your goals down into micro goals A,B,C these I feel should be time based. So for example a main goal may be to learn a new language, first step in achieving that goal (micro goal A) is to pick a language, now this may take some time doing some research in terms of class availability and proximity, but if you give your self the time scale of 6 weeks to establish the language you want to learn, then that way you are keeping on track to achieving the goal.

5.Goals are for life, not just for New Years: Never stop setting goals, as humans goals keep us focused, keep us inspired and driven. Without goals we simply can become autonomous. When ever you reach your goal never just stop there, each goal you set and achieve you will grow from. Therefore big or small always have at least three goals in your head, it doesn’t matter if at that specific time you’re not striving towards all three, but it’s so important to our mental well being to have that passion to achieve something. Keep in mind that not all goals can be achieved in a year, for example if you’ve got a goal to buy a house, then likely hood is that goal will take you longer than a year, therefore if you’ve broken down that goal into micro goals for example micro goal A setting up a bank account to START saving into, you can achieve lots of micro goals in the one year but the main goal may take you two. In addition to this goals such as to ‘get fit’ and ‘stop smoking’, these are life style changes although the initial goal is to get your fitness up or stop smoking cigarettes, maintaining that for the rest of your life is the ultimate one.

No matter what you do in 2017 keep setting goals and keep smashing them, the only one who can do that is you.

Laura xo

Tag: New Years Resolution

New Year, New Me? What I hope for 2019.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

2017 New Years Resolutions? Why You Should NEVER Set Them.